Keep the Change!

My parents were divorced when I was a baby. I grew up without my dad being involved in any area of my life. In fact, I didn’t meet him until I was 22 years old. So, as a result I take the job of Dad very serious. As parents, my wife and I are very hands on in our kid’s lives. We try to use every teachable moment to our advantage, as I’m sure most of you do. We recognize the years with them under our roof are slipping by with increased quickness.

One area where I feel insufficient is finances. Over years of crummy salaries and poor economic choice M (my wife) and I have demonstrated what not to do in the realm of money. To some degree we are still living out the ancient saying, “the borrower is slave to the lender”. To improve our financial IQs and the overall quality of our childrens' lives, M and I went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University class this last spring www.daveramsey.com. Excellent class and I highly recommend it to anyone who deals with money.

Basically this is how it goes in our house. Every child including the 4 year old has a set of chores they have to do to get paid. When they do these chores they get paid a commission (just like people in the real world). On pay day the children bring 4 labeled jars to the kitchen table so mom can dole out their commissions. This goes for any money the children receive, including birthday money, found money, basically any money that comes into their possession. The money is divided into the following percentages then placed into the corresponding jar ; 10% Tithe (As parents who hold to certain Biblical teachings this is first and foremost), 10% Giving (for our family we support two children through World Vision), 30% Long Term saving, and 50% Spending (for whatever they want, with little to no input from parents).

One day a couple of weeks ago, #2 earned $15 by helping her mom sell clothes at a consignment sale (lots of good lessons throughout this process). She stacked the dollar bills on the counter in front of her four jars. She was having some difficulty breaking the money down into the appropriate percentages. As the ever-present father and eager instructor, I stepped into help her with mom close by for support. I began to lecture on percentages, division shortcuts and necessity of giving GOD 10%. #2 became frustrated. She didn’t comprehend how I was calculating $1.50 was 10% of $15.00. Furthermore, she was confused how she was going to pay $1.50 with a stack of dollar bills. Side note: her jar had change and we were hoping she would do some problem solving. However, becoming increasingly annoyed at the length of this discussion, she looked up at me and said,” Listen, how about I give God $2.00 and you stop the lecture!”My wife and I looked at each other and laughed! #2 took that as agreement and stuffed two dollars into her tithe jar.

A couple of takeaways from this story: 1. LAUGH (click here to get some help), your kids are hysterical! Have fun and be able to laugh at yourself with your kids, especially during these moments. I’m confident #2 will be able solve mathematical problems through her life so I don’t need to sweat it. 2. Get Involved in the teaching process with your kids, you have so much to offer them! It’s not just the mom’s job. You may not be an expert in a particular subject but some is and they can teach you. Beside you probably know more than your kids do, tell them what you know and learn the rest together. You can take a class or read a book, growth is possible and necessary. Dads we should never stop learning or growing. 3. Never, NEVER, NEVER stop your kids from giving more than is required, especially if they are giving it to GOD. How can anyone go wrong with giving more than is required? Especially to GOD. Maybe we can even take a proactive stance and encourage this attitude in our kids.

Although, this last lesson was unintended and the student operated as the teacher, it was a profound one regardless. It is a lesson I hope to live out daily to my GOD, my wife, to my children, and beyond.
Dads we have a challenging job, but a great one! I want you to know, I’m cheering you on, You can do it!
This week take some time to intentionally teach your kids something. Here are some ideas, how to change a tire, shovel snow, bake a cake, clean the bathroom, make their bed, fold a paper airplane, or do a somersault, get creative. I would love for you to leave a comment about what you taught them on my page! Let’s raise our level of DAD-ness!

Watch this clip from the Andy Griffith Show as Andy lectures Opie

I hate Halloween, but not why you think!

As a child, I loved Halloween. In my family we didn’t get a lot of treats, so this was the time of year I could load up. In fact, in my time you had to have a medium sized pillow case to haul the load of sweet treats. Our trek would start as soon as the sun went down (and in the northeast that was 530 pm) and end when we could drag our pillowcase no further.  Adorn with our costumes, we would run from house to house in anticipation of the full sized Hershey’s chocolate bars, Reese’s cup, Charleston Chews, and the wax lips.

Over the years this jubilant kid holiday has turned into something less. It has became a holiday of the things I like least. In fact, I’m a little concerned that I will be the grumpy old man, who has all the lights off at his house in hopes that no kids come begging for sugar laded snacks. I guess I could give out pamphlets on nutrition, or like a friend in MO did, hand out cans of tuna! But here are some of the reason Halloween is sliding down my ladder of favorite holidays (these are listed in no specific order):

If it goes bad, it goes bad on the hayride

1. Hayrides, I have asthma and hay allergies (enough said)  plus there is always the guy who starts the hay fight. Then everyone is throwing hay, shoving it down people’s shirts etc, and you are picking hay out of places hay shouldn’t be. It's usually cold and you have to eat the dust and fumes stirred up by the diesel powered tractor. Not to mention every Halloween Party that has gone bad, went bad on the hayride.

2. Pumpkin Carving, I have 4 kids. When they were much younger I had to scrap and empty the guts of four pumpkins. And, unless you allow your small children to play with extremely sharp carving utensils, which we don’t, I end up carving four pumpkins. You better get the sculpture just right or you will have a screaming crying kid traumatized that daddy gave Mr. Pumpkin a square nose instead of a trapezoid! Then there is the clean up after


3. Adult Costumes, The guy/gal who comes up to you at the kids’ party in full character, all dressed up in a costume they obviously spent hours designing, attempting to get you to participate in their banter. I especially love this when the man is dress as a woman and he thinks he is really sexy.

4. Bobbling for Apples, as long as you go first, or immediately after a blood relative, no problem.

5. Trying to carries 4 individual plates loaded down with hot dogs, chips, chili, assorted other finger foods, 4 cups full of drink, utensils and napkins.  Only to return to an empty buffet to feed yourself after you’ve feed the youngsters.

6. This Halloween, I participated in one of my all-time least favorite things. Our church had an awesome Halloween Party  under a huge 12,000 sq. foot barn which included a really good Bluegrass band (and I like Bluegrass in moderation). In the middle of the barn was a dance floor. Well, I have a 9 yr daughter who likes to dance and a dad that doesn’t. So off to do-si-do and promenade we went (4th grade square dancing did come in handy). The kicker is we were the only ones on the dance floor. The rest of the crowd was hoopin‘, hollerin‘ and chapping.  I don’t like being the center of attention especially when I'm making a fool of myself. The last time I danced in public was my wedding 15 yrs ago, and that’s because I had too (and loved every second of it, honey!).

I hate Halloween, but I do it for the kids as any good dad would. As dads there are many things we do just because of the kids. Getting out of our comfort zones, or doing things when we don’t have the energy to do is good for us. In fact, how many times do we encourage our kids to do the same. Here is my challenge to you; do something this week with your kids that they love. DO it with a smile. Do it with joy. Have fun (dancing with my girl was a little fun). If your kids are little, they aren’t going to be little for long, so enjoy it. Build memories, build relationships, stretch yourself, be the crazy goofy dad who makes your kids laugh. We are now ramping up the holiday season and many opportunities are coming to accomplish these things. Dads we have a tough job but let’s raise our level of dad-ness.

The Consequences of a Large Pink Lemonade!

My brother-in-law and his girlfriend recently came for a visit. As tradition demands, we went out to dinner at a local seafood restaurant. My family tries to stay on a pretty tight budget, so when we go out to eat, we let the kids go crazy, and order anything they want off the kid’s menu! They especially love the fact they get to order any drink including soda (or pop depending on where you live). 

My youngest (#4 of 4), a boy , age 4, ordered a pink lemonade to go with his corndog dinner (remember we are at a seafood restaurant). His eyes were as wide as his smile when the waitress brought him out the super large tower-sized lemonade. As the waitress placed it in front of him, she realized maybe it should be in a smaller cup with a lid. But I replied, “No, it’s ok”. Thinking to myself, if he spills it you’re cleaning it up and secondly, did you see his face, I can’t smash this boy-driven-warrior-desire to conquer this monstrous lemonade one gulping guzzle at a time in hopes of a refill! So, the tower of lemonade remained in front of the boy, uncapped. 

Dinner went off without a hitch. Most of the food was consumed without complaining or too many leftovers, and no spillage! The rest of the evening was business as usually, fighting with #1-#3 to brush their teeth and get into bed. #4 was all snuggled in bed, under his blanket, eyelids being weighed down by the exhaustion of the day. Oh yeah, this might be a good time to mention, my wife and I are advocates of the family bed (toddlers only, except on Saturday mornings when all are welcome). Yep, you guessed it. About 2:00 a.m., I awoke in an Olympic-sized pool of a 4-year old’s pink lemonade induced pee! I guess the waitress got the last laugh on this one, or maybe it was my wife. Who amazingly didn’t stir at all during the commotion of my exasperated, “Oh crap!”. Any other time she would’ve been yanked from the throws of deep REM sleep because of the fluttering moth across the road under the street light! Suspicious? With #4 stripped down, washed off, underwear replaced, and a big fluffy cotton towel as a sleeping pad, I went back to sleep thinking about the consequences of my earlier lack of action.

Dads, our daily decisions always create consequences for our families. Some of those consequences are positive (college fund, going to work) and some negative (wasting $$, indifference). As the Dad, I try to help my kids understand the consequences of their decisions, as a good Dad should. 

But, let’s be honest, do we always think through the consequences of our actions? For me the answer is no. I may do some reflective self-evaluation, but it’s usually after I lose my cool or the rubble has settled. Only then do I realize I could have used positive words, a better tone, and not raised my voice or rolled my eyes. 
The consequences of some decisions really don’t amount to anything except maybe the frustration of changing a pee-soaked toddler in the middle of the night or a little loss of sleep. Other decisions may have life changing consequences for us, our wives, and our children. Take a look down the road. What are some negative consequences you see coming? Make the necessary changes. The good news is every day we can have a fresh start. A favorite scripture of mine is found in the Old Testament book of Lamentations chapter 3, verse 22-23,” Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions (mercies) never fail. They are new every morning; Great is your {God’s} faithfulness.” Let’s raise our level of Dad-ness!

WELCOME to the Daddy Mentor Blog, here is why it was started....

Hey DADS! Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to check out my new blog. As a dad, I know there are numerous demands on your time. So let me get right to the point of why I decided to create www.daddymentor.blogspot.com.

I told my best friend I was considering the idea of starting a blog to expand my twitter experience, but was a little concerned that the name “The Daddy Mentor” would come off prideful and arrogant. His response was, “What is your purpose? Is it to flaunt your knowledge, be arrogant, puff yourself up and build an audience to make millions off a book deal? IF so, then I’m not for it. But if it is to help and inspire dads to be better at what they do, then go for it.”

I must say it is definitely closer to the latter, but making a couple hundred thousand $$$ on a book deal wouldn’t be bad J; I do have 4 kids to educate.  Although I have 11+ years experience in the role of Dad, by no means do I consider myself an expert. In fact, as a dad who grew up without a dad, I consider myself poorly equipped for this monumental task. So, the purpose of The Daddy Mentor Blog is to help dads raise their level of “Dad-ness” by sharing some stories about me and my clan. Maybe the reflective part at the end of each blog will help us to be better at what we are doing.

I will endeavor to keep my submissions short and to the point. As busy, involved dads we have limited time and attention spans. Your comments, questions, and critiques are welcomed and encouraged. However, you can fore go the grammar comments; my wonderful wife will assist me there (as she reads this she is probably smiling at my excellent use of the semi-colon)!